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How To Find A Good Man

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I knew I could grab your attention with a title like that…lol…Single ladies saw that heading like it was a flashing neon sign and immediately wanted to know how and where they could go and get one like a good man was a gallon of milk at your local convenience store just waiting to be brought. Only if it was that simple huh?

I have asked different woman on where were the good men? They all quickly replied that they were either liars, playas, broke, had bad credit, lived at home with their mama, in jail, homeless, secret drug habits, HIV+, on the “down low” or just had “babymamadrama”…lol…

I thought to myself this couldn’t be true . Could it? I have dated before but the results weren’t as bad ad these ladies often described. So I decided to conduct my own little investigation.

I spoke with a lot of different woman in various age categories who have been unsuccessful in finding a good man. Why? Was the question that plagued me? I observed that woman made these mistakes when it came to dating;

Ladies that think they can find Mr. Right in a bar/nightclub.
•Ladies who dress provocatively thinking this will get a man’s attention (It does just not the attention you are seeking).
•Ladies believing that it is all right to go home with a man you just met and sleep with him.
•Ladies that play too many games and or carry around baggage from past failed relationships.

Those were the most frequent errors that I had observed but it doesn’t just stop with that either. Something else just as troublesome was ladies wanting this all together perfect man, when they weren’t  that put together themselves. I suggest putting the shoe on the other foot. Are you in the same situation that you are seeking from a mate? In some cases the ladies aren’t. What I am essentially saying is try to bring something to the table of mutual interest besides what is between your thighs! #YeahISaidIt

Speaking of sex; that is the numero uno mistake that I see with a lot of ladies. They are willing to settle for being the sloppy seconds of becoming a booty call or friends with benefits.

Believing that if you make yourself completely available to this man he will eventually realize that you are the “one”…NOT!!

The only thing he will realize is that you are the one to call for sex and if you keep trying to act as if you have anything more than a prearranged sexual relationship he will cut that off as well!

So what I am principally trying to convey is that before you step out into the dating scene of seeking a suitable mate. Check yourself first, in order to find a man and love him unconditionally, first love yourself unconditionally ( remember people ONLY treat you how you allow them to) and with a formula like that you can’t lose. So in doing this you can be sure that when you do step out into the dating arena, you are putting your best foot forward!

OK…Stepping off my soapbox

 

He says:

The key to finding a good woman is to look from a spiritually and emotionally mature perspective. A lot of men get caught up in outward appearances and superficial status symbols. The measure of a good woman is not based on her level of education, financial independence, and material gains. One must find a common bond, deeper than the occasional bedroom romp.

Far too many men end up procreating with women they cannot stand to be around for more than ten minutes at a time. We fail to get to know the women in our lives on more significant levels. Always remember the wisest advice Bell Biv DeVoe could have ever given us. Never trust a big butt and a smile. They are the most deceptive tool in a woman’s arsenal. They are quite aware that they can render us powerless with a beautiful smile and the squeeze of a pretty brown round.

Don’t get it twisted, most women are not opportunistic, deceptive, mean, selfish or egotistical. These are the perceptions that tend to find its way on display in mass and social media. I can honestly say that the women mentioned above are the exception and not the rule. Most women just want to be loved in the most simplistic way. The only problem is, they have no idea what that love looks like. That is why they often get caught up in tainted love. Once they’ve tasted that tainted wine, it is hard for any good man to bring her heart back to life.

So men, be patient, be kind, not boastful, proud or deceptive. Do not delight yourselves in the games that lovers play. If you sincerely want to find a good woman, then simply be a good man. Being a good man in itself will not unpack unwanted baggage and dispel negative ideologies of failed loves. It will simply plant the seed that will hopefully grow into something substantial.

The quest to find a good woman will not be easy. I am pretty sure you won’t find it at the bar. Go places where women are moving and shaking. No, I am not talking about the strip club. Try attending a book signing, professional conference, a quaint lounge, or quiet bistro. In some respect I would advise to stay away from churches as well. It is far too easy to get caught up with misguided women, who have made Jesus their surrogate boyfriend until their ‘perfect’ man has arrived. Too many of them are high on the rhetoric of charismatic ministers spitting nonsense to tickle the emotions of lonely and scarred women. I would not advise seeking this type of woman at all. It is truly a recipe for destruction.

Use common sense though men. Do not run from every woman that attends church. Just don’t look to the church as your ecclesiastical singles bar. Try to end up in places where women are breaking ground and inspiring change. Please have your life together and approach with seriousness. Half stepping will leave you standing there with that stupid look on your faces. Be up on something current and meaningful. State your purpose from jump. Avoid hidden meanings and enigmatic statements. Be upfront with your intentions. Be respectful, attentive, and interesting. More than anything, be you. Do not creative the fantasy, be the reality.

Threesomes: A disaster for a relationship or a savior?

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He Says:

A threesome, albeit taboo can add spice to a somewhat boring sex life. Where people tend to fall short is using the third person to substitute a trait their partner may lack. If the threesome is done simply for the adventure of adding some heat to the bedroom then all is well and good. The minute emotions jumpstart, the act or series of acts have gone too far. The only voids a threesome are to fill are carnal. They are not to be used to repair any emotional or relationship related drama.

One must never bond personally with the third person either. Beyond medical history and sexual preferences, there should be no further camaraderie with the additional person. Leave no room for personal bonds.

Unless one is accustomed to this lifestyle, I would avoid jumping right into it. Try voyeurism first, or go to a swingers club and talk to other couples about their experiences. Learn all the pros and cons. Inviting someone else into your sacred space is risky enough. Please know exactly what you are getting yourselves into.  Inviting someone else to join into your sexual activity does not have to be destructive drama. There is much pleasure to be had if done right.

She Says:

Ok I’m just going to put it out there, I don’t think anything good could come out of letting another person in on something that’s supposed to be sacred between TWO.

The suggestion that a threesome would add excitement to a dull relationship is pure bull.
If you want to spice up a boring sec life you often hear people use blindfolds and feathers or if you are feeling really bold purchase We Vibe 3 from a Passion party <—Yes, I’ve done my research on which particular one would be the most effective.

I think that it takes a special kind of jerk to ask his mate for a threesome. It is indeed opening up Pandora’s box. There are so many what if’s that will drive you crazy.

For the selfish male this plan to add spice could backfire and now his heterosexual boo is now a homosexual one.

Ultimately couples have to do what’s right for them. Hey, if YOU like it- I love it! Do you boo 😉

Can you be a successful sidepiece?

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He Says…

The side piece has been the punchline for jokes and silly online memes lately. But we have to try to look a little deeper into the mind and heart of this type of person. The side piece itself is an illusion wrapped in false perceptions of love or gain. They are too emotionally unavailable to commit, but emotionally empty enough to desire a concept of love, even if it is perceived to be false. I consider the side piece to be a tragic figure, not one to be laughed at, but somewhat pitied.

Don’t get it twisted though, I still hold them completely accountable for their actions. They are still consciously entering into a relationship (whether sexual, economic, or emotional) with a person they are aware is married or “committed” to someone else. There is a deep emptiness in play for one to subject themselves to be used at the disposal of another person. The illusion of the whole lifestyle has the side piece thinking they are in control, when in fact it is the cheating man or woman completely dominating all terms and conditions.

The side piece believes they are or will be the main course but will always be the side dish or appetizer. The key to abandoning this lifestyle is to value yourself above all and making yourself emotionally available to receive love. In spite of the hurt from the past, making oneself available emotionally is key to jumping ship from a manipulative partner to one where they are truly valuable. Once they figure this out, the joke won’t be on them anymore.

She Says…

Being  the side piece will leave your self esteem looking  like Reese’s Pieces

Side Piece…Does one really set out to be the chick on the side? Nope, not at all but when you can’t seem to get what you feel you rightfully deserve often clouds judgement.

A female knows exactly what she wants…She wants him attractive, employed, motivated, caring, attentive and responsible but what happens is her ideal possess these characteristics BUT he doesn’t want a commitment so instead of accepting his choice, she thinks she can “change” him.

She begins to do everything that a wife would without the ring with the hopes he will “see” just what a wonderful catch she is and will eventually change his mind, but what ends up happening is that he gets the milk for free and the female grows tired and begins to hate the person she once thought she could spend forever with.

Everything isn’t for everybody.

 

“Ladies, let me…

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“Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn’t-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people.. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won’t associate with you. It really is that simple.”― Tucker Max, Author of “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell”